WHAT WILL TRULY MAKE YOU HAPPY?

This is a picture of me on November 15, 2014. Back when Powerlifting was my LIFE. Not only did I feel like a real athlete, but my self-worth was defined by how strong I was. On the outside, I resembled a dedicated athlete who loved her sport. But for three years this was my life:
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-20-30 minutes of fasted cardio in the morning on a stair mill.
-90-minute lifting sessions in the afternoon.
-One hour of steady-state cardio in the evenings.
-10-12 week drastic weight cuts.
-Body dysmorphia, followed by disordered eating.
-I brought my own food everywhere, even to events.
-I secluded myself so that I wouldn't be tempted around food and alcohol.
-No period.
-Eating 1000-1500 calories daily.
-Weighing myself daily.
-I chewed a horrible amount of sugar-free gum daily.
-Acquaintances told me I looked amazing. Friends and family told me I looked sickly.

At the time, I felt like I was doing everything the "healthy" way. I was eating super clean meals six times a day, and signing up for competitions back to back would force me to stay on my meal plans. But after three years of living this way, I realized that I was strong as hell, and my weight was low, but I hated the vicious cycle of restricting and binging. I felt completely out of control, and I hated who I had become. My body literally started breaking down.
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I want to share my story because it has taken me years to be at a good place mentally and physically with myself. It's taken just as long to undo all the damage I put my body through. I have made plenty of mistakes, and if you are out there right now making these mistakes, know you are not alone.

I got myself to my goal weight, and I didn't understand why I still hated who I saw in the mirror. Heal yourself from the inside, and your body will follow.
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(In this picture I weighed in at 132 butt naked. I lost 25lbs in 12 weeks to compete in this weight class).