Easing the Transition: Helping Siblings Adjust to a Newborn
Transitioning siblings has been on my mind since I learned we were pregnant with our second baby. It only intensified when I found out that we were having twins. We have been a pack of three for the last two and a half years, and thinking of our daughter not getting the same amount of attention pulls my heartstrings. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes.
After working in homes with another sibling for the last year, I have some takeaways from those experiences. The bond siblings have with their new brother or sister is so beautiful to watch, and the guilt I see a mother carrying is hard. The newborn stage may be the hardest because it requires so much attention, and I see mothers feeling torn in five hundred directions.
I want to see you and your family thriving; I want my family to succeed, too. So, I'm writing this for you, and I'm also writing this for me. Below, I will share information and practical advice about everything I've studied and experienced working in postpartum care. Transitioning to life with a new baby can be a big adjustment for older siblings, but there are several things you can do to help ease the transition:
Prepare them in advance: Before the new baby arrives, talk to your older child about it. Explain what to expect and involve them in EVERYTHING, such as setting up the nursery or choosing baby clothes.
Maintain routines: Try to stick to your older child's routines as much as possible, such as meal times and bedtime. Consistency can provide them with a sense of stability during times of change. Also, don't make any significant changes three months before or after the baby is born.
Set aside one-on-one time: With a new baby demanding much of your time and attention, carving out one-on-one time with your older child is essential. Set aside a special time each day to spend with them, whether reading a book, playing a game, or going for a walk. It can also be as simple as them going with you to the store. Hiring a Postpartum Doula is very helpful because they can oversee your newborn while you have time with your other child/children.
Involve them: Encourage your older child to help care for the baby in age-appropriate ways, such as fetching diapers or singing lullabies. Including them can help them feel important. You want them always to feel like you are a team.
Acknowledge their feelings: Let your older child know it's okay to feel a range of emotions about the new baby, including jealousy or frustration. Validate their feelings and reassure them of your love. Never blame the baby for why you can't do something with them. Be aware of your verbiage.
Celebrate milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate your older child's milestones and achievements, whether it is learning to tie their shoes or mastering a new skill. Doing this can help them feel proud and valued.
Arrange special outings: Plan special outings or activities with your older child to make them feel special and reinforce your bond.
Seek support: If you're struggling to manage the transition, don't hesitate to seek support from family, friends, or support groups. Sometimes, having someone to talk to makes a big difference. Ask for HELP!
Be patient: Understand that it may take time for your older child to adjust to the new baby, and they will have good and bad days. Be patient and supportive as they navigate this transition. You might also see siblings undergo a slight regression, which is normal. In time, it will pass; stay consistent.
These steps can help ease the transition for your older child and foster a positive relationship between siblings. I included some magical advice from moms who have lived it. I don't know about you, but I need REAL advice from mothers who have personally experienced it. I like to have honest conversations and talk about our feelings as moms.
"The guilt I felt was real, and I wasn't prepared for that." Tara
"I remember people saying you will envy your spouse because they get so much more one-on-one time with them, but honestly, I tried to look at it from a different perspective. They bonded so much during that time; my husband shined in his role as a father and gave her exactly what she needed when I couldn't. It's all a season, and it comes and goes; you get through it." -Cassie
Do a gift exchange between siblings and the newborn. My kids still have the gifts they gave each other and talk about them all the time." -Katie
"Older siblings often feel jealous and left out when there is a new baby, so talking to the baby just like you would talk to your toddler can show your older child that the same expectations go for both kids. Even if it sounds silly, like saying, "Now hold on baby ______, you have to wait your turn while I help ______with their shoes." -Cassie
"I felt anxious and scared that I wouldn't love my second child like I did my first. But once she was here, all of those feelings went away. I don't have those feelings now that I am pregnant with my third baby. It's because I have experienced it, and it went so well. -Kelsie
"Ensure your siblings are already home when you come home with the newborn. It makes them feel like their new brother or sister is coming into their home, and they will be more welcoming." -Emma
"Expect your sibling/siblings to go through some regressions or express anger/tantrums/throwing things. Allow them to express their feelings and talk through it with them. Don't disregard their feelings or tell them to get over it; it's a season, and it will pass." Anna
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